No love for the Tuyo — Review

I wanted to love the Tuyo, I really, really did. When Babe­land offered, I jumped at the chance to test it out, because it was just sooo pretty. A sleek black globe, nes­tled in a bed of laven­der satin — it had so much promise. But alas, it was a love that sim­ply was not meant to be.

I had heard iffy things about the Onye, Big Teaze’s other lux­ury vibra­tor — prob­lems with it not work­ing, not turn­ing on, so I thought I was play­ing it safe by try­ing the Tuyo. How­ever, right before I got it, I was hear­ing about prob­lems with it from fel­low blog­gers. It was noisy, like lawn mower loud. Regard­less, I put all doubt aside, and resolved to give it a fair and hon­est test.

It is a beau­ti­ful lit­tle vibra­tor. Sleek and black or shiny white with a pink band — very dif­fer­ent that any­thing else I have seen on the mar­ket. (D thought it looked like the Tor­ture Droid from Star Wars.) The bot­tom half vibrates while the soft band in the mid­dle pro­vides a nice hand­hold. And the whole thing is splash­proof, eas­ily clean­ing with anti-bacterial soap and water. It twists open, takes three AAA bat­ter­ies, and twists closed — easy peasy, right? When I turned it on, it wasn’t loud at all. It starts off at a nice slow vibra­tion and with a click of the but­ton on top, cycles up to the next set­ting. Set­tings vary from stronger con­stant vibra­tions, to fun pat­terns of pul­sat­ing and throbbing.

When I actu­ally used it, press­ing it against me, it was a lit­tle bit louder, but nowhere near lawn mower loud. I found that mak­ing sure the lid was tightly closed helped pre­vent the prob­lem, and that over­all, it wasn’t too loud — noth­ing to com­pared to my trusty ol’ Hitachi. But it really didn’t do any­thing for me. The round shape was dif­fi­cult to manip­u­late, and I couldn’t get it in the right posi­tion against my clit. And despite all the dif­fer­ent set­tings, the vibra­tions never got strong enough to sat­isfy me — I just found myself frus­trated. And as for the claim that the Tuyo is a great cou­ples toy — nei­ther D or I much cared for it. The round ball kept rolling around and though we tried to keep it between us, it just wouldn’t stay put. I even tried using it on D’s back as a mas­sager, but it really didn’t do much for him that way, either. Just when I’d get it going, rolling around on his back, the but­ton would get pressed and either change set­tings (when I didn’t want it to), or turn off altogether.

Thank you to the lovely peo­ple at Babe­land for giv­ing me the oppor­tu­nity to try this inter­est­ing lit­tle vibra­tor out. It’s really too bad that the Tuyo was such a dud for me, because I really wanted to like it. But it just didn’t do it for me, and hon­estly made a bet­ter mediocre back mas­sager than it did a sex toy. Espe­cially for the steep price, I don’t think I’d rec­om­mend it to any­one. You’d be bet­ter off sav­ing your money for some­thing else.