Sex and Intimacy Project — Part 18

What does inti­macy mean to you? How do you define intimacy?

• Inti­macy is the close­ness you feel to another thing… another person.

Do you think that all acts of sex are nec­es­sar­ily intimate?

What about sex makes it inti­mate? Makes it not intimate?

Are some sex­ual acts more inti­mate than others?

• Yeah, I love get­ting eaten out, but I would say that’s even more inti­mate than vagi­nal sex. That person’s mouth is all up in my busi­ness. Very inti­mate. I’m very vul­ner­a­ble when J is lick­ing my pussy. He knows it dri­ves me crazy. Also any­thing involved in the bdsm aspect of our rela­tion­ship, I would say breath play and things like that are inti­mate because of the comfort-level needed for me to even been involved in it.

Is the act of sex an inti­mate act for you? Why or why not? Does it change depend­ing on who your part­ners are?

• It depends. Before being in a com­mit­ted rela­tion­ship, sex as a sin­gle girl wasn’t as inti­mate than it’s been with a con­sis­tent part­ner… when it goes beyond just get­ting off.

How do you per­ceive the dif­fer­ing lev­els of inti­macy when mul­ti­ple part­ners are involved?

• I’ve been involved with a guy that was mar­ried and was in a polyamorous rela­tion­ship, and I must say, it must be how I’m wired that when things got too intense, I had to cut it off, because I felt like I was clos­ing myself off to peo­ple who I could be in a more “seri­ous” rela­tion­ship. I’m not sure how other peo­ple do it.

What about sex with­out inti­macy, like sex between strangers? Can there still be a level of inti­macy that builds between two peo­ple because of the act of sex itself?

• Sex with strangers is not inti­mate. But inti­macy can build between two peo­ple who were brought together by sex.

What about inti­macy in vir­tual rela­tion­ships, like online where the sex itself may be virtual?

• Yeah, but only if the con­ver­sa­tion goes beyond cybering.

Please tell me a lit­tle bit about sex and inti­macy in your own life.

• My rela­tion­ship with J has been the most fufill­ing sex­u­ally in my life, even com­pared to my last rela­tion­ship which was 5-years long. Sex for us is pow­er­ful, and it is some­thing done often. We are inti­mate in all aspects in our rela­tion­ship, not just in the bed­room. We tell each other what the other is thinking.

Learn more about the Sex and Inti­macy project here.