Sex and Intimacy Project — Part 17

Image by addicte­d­Im­age and used under the Cre­ative Com­mons license.

This set of answers comes from The Beau­ti­ful Kind, a 35 year old bisex­ual and polyamorous female who has “a pri­mary part­ner, my Daddy Dom. We also get phys­i­cal or inti­mate with other peo­ple together, or separately.”

What does inti­macy mean to you? How do you define intimacy?

• The dic­tio­nary defines it just fine for me: “A close, famil­iar, and usu­ally affec­tion­ate or lov­ing per­sonal rela­tion­ship with another per­son or group. An act or expres­sion serv­ing as a token of famil­iar­ity, affec­tion, or the like. An amorously famil­iar act; liberty.”

Do you think that all acts of sex are nec­es­sar­ily intimate?

• NO. I see a dif­fer­ence in being phys­i­cal with some­one vs being inti­mate. I can eas­ily sep­a­rate the two.

What about sex makes it inti­mate? Makes it not intimate?

• I posted some­thing about this, you can find it here.

“I think of sex as a recre­ational activ­ity, like going to the movies. Some movies are funny. Some are excit­ing. Some make you cry. Some you walk out on cuz they suck so bad.

And some change your life.”

I’ve been to a few orgies, and while they were a lot of fun, I would not say I felt inti­mate with the peo­ple I played with. I’ve had some extremely inti­mate four­somes with other cou­ples — I love when I get to be part of someone’s first expe­ri­ence — whether it’s the first time they’ve had sex, the first time they’ve swapped, their first three­some, first anal, or what­ever. To me that is very inti­mate. I also love help­ing some­one make a fan­tasy or fetish come true — that is very inti­mate also. I feel hon­ored and it’s very special.

When is sex intimate?

• When you feel love for the per­son and/or care for them. When you are sur­rounded by mutual respect. When you put your trust in some­one else.

Are some sex­ual acts more inti­mate than others?

• Absolutely. I much pre­fer sex with some­one I love, some­one I’m into, but I’ve had great sex with strangers. One time I even had simul­ta­ne­ous orgasms with a guy I didn’t even LIKE — I was swing­ing and he was some bad boy with ugly tat­toos, but damn if we didn’t fit well together. And he was talented.

And while vanilla sex can be very inti­mate, kinky sex can be VERY inti­mate. One thing that sur­prised me was when I started exper­i­ment­ing with golden show­ers. It feels EXTREMELY inti­mate when my man is piss­ing on me and call­ing me his toi­let, it is sacred. You don’t do that with just any­one. And then he washes my hair and wraps me in his warm robe after­ward, which takes it full circle.

Is the act of sex an inti­mate act for you? Why or why not? Does it change depend­ing on who your part­ners are?

• It can be inti­mate, sure! Most of the time it is. As long as there is mutual respect involved. I try REALLY hard to only have sex with peo­ple I respect, even when I’m doing it for money. I used to be a pros­ti­tute, and I really liked most of my clients. Nowa­days I do some fetish and sex work, but it’s more on a ther­a­peu­tic level, so there is a level of inti­macy there. I want to share my good vibes with oth­ers, and hope they pass them along to other people.

How do you per­ceive the dif­fer­ing lev­els of inti­macy when mul­ti­ple part­ners are involved?

• For me it is very impor­tant to be someone’s NUMBER 1. There are cer­tain things I will only do with my NUMBER 1 — anal sex and swal­low­ing semen being a cou­ple examples.

Then we have peo­ple we date, peo­ple we play with, friends with ben­e­fits, occa­sional ran­dom hookups. If it feels right, we go with the flow and see what comes of it.

What about sex with­out inti­macy, like sex between strangers? Can there still be a level of inti­macy that builds between two peo­ple because of the act of sex itself?

• That depends. One time I had a quickie with an artist I just met who spent the past 90 min­utes pho­tograph­ing me for a fetish shoot. I didn’t even know his name, and I’m tempted to say it was purely phys­i­cal, except there WAS the shared inti­macy of what we had just expe­ri­enced. The cam­era was an intan­gi­ble bond between us — as vir­tual strangers, in the blink of an eye we exposed hid­den parts of our­selves to each other, it was so raw. It was a hot and spe­cial expe­ri­ence, and we haven’t seen each other since. But we have those pho­tographs as a keep­sake, and I have one of his prints hang­ing in my din­ing room. I look at it and smile fondly.

What about inti­macy in vir­tual rela­tion­ships, like online where the sex itself may be virtual?

• That is more fan­tasy or recre­ational for me, a sub­sti­tute for real. I need REAL.

Please tell me a lit­tle bit about sex and inti­macy in your own life.

• I don’t believe in all that soul­mate crap, but if I did, I’d say I’m with my soul­mate now. This means we have amaz­ing energy, chem­istry, con­nec­tion. He has taken me to a new level with my sex­u­al­ity. We are very in tune with each other — he knows what I want with­out me hav­ing to ask. Some­times he knows what I want before I even know!

The unusual things that get me off get him off, too. He feeds off my plea­sure. He’s a giver, but he takes as well, some­times ruth­lessly. He chal­lenges me, pushes me to new lev­els. I’ve been able to open up anally with him. I’ve expe­ri­enced mul­ti­ple orgasms with him for the first time in my life, as well as orgasms through breast stim­u­la­tion. I can cum just from suck­ing his dick. He can even “talk” me to orgasm, which is some­thing I didn’t even think was possible.

I find such emo­tional and phys­i­cal ful­fill­ment with him and we are so secure in our rela­tion­ship that we are able to share it with oth­ers. It’s my goal to reach as many peo­ple as pos­si­ble through my blog — I want my extremely per­sonal and inti­mate sto­ries to inspire them. So many peo­ple are stuck in a rut and dis­sat­is­fied — I try to show them all the amaz­ing pos­si­bil­i­ties that can be had when you empower your­self. Every­one deserves happiness.

I apol­o­gize for being so gushy and sappy, but you caught me at the pin­na­cle of my rela­tion­ship his­tory. I’ve had my share of dis­sat­is­fac­tion, yearn­ing, and cyn­i­cism — my answers to this inter­view would be wildly dif­fer­ent had I been pre­sented with them at SO many dif­fer­ent points of my past. Fas­ci­nat­ing to con­sider. We all get our turn to bask in the golden glow of hap­pi­ness and ful­fill­ment, and I’m enjoy­ing every moment of my turn now.

Learn more about the Sex and Inti­macy project here.