This set of answers comes from a 44 year old female, Shannee, who describes herself as “bi-curious, kinky and sacred”. She has recently split up with her husband.
What does intimacy mean to you? How do you define intimacy?
There are many forms of intimacy. To me it reaches far beyond mere sex. There’s intellectual intimacy that is created when people collaborate to create together or to understand more deeply. There’s emotional intimacy that comes in varying degrees of depth. All are valuable. There’s also spiritual intimacy and something not always shared amongst people, but I think it is one of the most valuable forms of intimacy and crucial to my well being. I think that sacred sex rituals are a very important part of my emotional needs.
Do you think that all acts of sex are necessarily intimate?
On some levels yes. Letting someone touch your body creates a connection between you and that person. The cells of your body will always remember this touch. I think it wise to always ask oneself, if this is a person I want to remember touching me for the rest of my life before I let that happen. But like any other form of intimacy there’s some experiences that are deeper than others. Its not the act but the connection between the people which makes something really intimate. I’ve had kisses that were more meaningful and intimate than any sexual act I’ve ever had.
What about sex makes it intimate? Makes it not intimate?
The exchange of energy between two people is what makes it intimate, but its not necessarily intimate on any other level than physical. Its what people intend or allow that makes it deeper. As I said earlier, I don’t think its possible to have sex that’s not at all intimate. But its possible to not attach emotional, mental or spiritual meaning to sex and for many people that is their line for what makes sex not intimate. If its only physical exchange. Only is a relative term though, because as I said, the cells of the body form a memory of that moment. That’s an intimacy for the rest of your life.
When is sex intimate?
When there is an emotional exchange of some sort.
Are some sexual acts more intimate than others?
I think kissing is very intimate. I think that acts that break down walls of separation or pull off masks of proper or social grace tend to be more intimate, simply because there’s less that stands in the way of an exchange. I think the nature of that act is unique to each individual. For some, anal sex is the ultimate intimacy where others it might be a kiss.
Is the act of sex an intimate act for you? Why or why not? Does it change depending on who your partners are?
Yes. Sex is always intimate for me. I am not really interested in physical only relationships. And yes. The more I love the person, the more intimate it goes for me.
How do you perceive the differing levels of intimacy when multiple partners are involved?
If there’s love amongst the partners, having more partners magnifies trust and love, makes it grow deeper and stronger.
What about sex without intimacy, like sex between strangers? Can there still be a level of intimacy that builds between two people because of the act of sex itself?
I don’t believe its possible to have intimacy free sex unless its rape and there will still be that intimacy of creating permanent memories in the body. And yes. Sex can lead to an emotional exchange. I think that’s normal.
What about intimacy in virtual relationships, like online where the sex itself may be virtual?
Any time people share their thoughts and feelings there’s an exchange going on between them. Its quite intimate to do that after all. But can such a relationship withstand the stresses of daily living or of a crisis? I tend to doubt it. Such tempering requires face to face contact. And no masturbating together is not a full experience of intimacy. Its got its limits to share sexual feelings and thoughts while self stimulating. Even adding in the visual elements or the voice connection…No. I wouldn’t say that’s a full intimacy because the physical connection hasn’t grounded the exchange. Something will be missing and left unsatisfied. It will feel hollow without any contact at all.
Please tell me a little bit about sex and intimacy in your own life.
I’m not sure what to say about sex or intimacy right now. I’ve no live in partner any more. I’ve got a lover, but at the moment, I’m not sure I’ll be able to see him for a long while. So I suppose that mostly celibate. However, I have some close emotional relationships that are romantic in nature. I have alot of intimate friendships and my lover and I are still getting to know each other. I’m enjoying a soft and very gentle intimacy with him when I do get to see him.
Sex and Intimacy Project — Part 10
What does intimacy mean to you? How do you define intimacy?
There are many forms of intimacy. To me it reaches far beyond mere sex. There’s intellectual intimacy that is created when people collaborate to create together or to understand more deeply. There’s emotional intimacy that comes in varying degrees of depth. All are valuable. There’s also spiritual intimacy and something not always shared amongst people, but I think it is one of the most valuable forms of intimacy and crucial to my well being. I think that sacred sex rituals are a very important part of my emotional needs.
Do you think that all acts of sex are necessarily intimate?
On some levels yes. Letting someone touch your body creates a connection between you and that person. The cells of your body will always remember this touch. I think it wise to always ask oneself, if this is a person I want to remember touching me for the rest of my life before I let that happen. But like any other form of intimacy there’s some experiences that are deeper than others. Its not the act but the connection between the people which makes something really intimate. I’ve had kisses that were more meaningful and intimate than any sexual act I’ve ever had.
What about sex makes it intimate? Makes it not intimate?
The exchange of energy between two people is what makes it intimate, but its not necessarily intimate on any other level than physical. Its what people intend or allow that makes it deeper. As I said earlier, I don’t think its possible to have sex that’s not at all intimate. But its possible to not attach emotional, mental or spiritual meaning to sex and for many people that is their line for what makes sex not intimate. If its only physical exchange. Only is a relative term though, because as I said, the cells of the body form a memory of that moment. That’s an intimacy for the rest of your life.
When is sex intimate?
When there is an emotional exchange of some sort.
Are some sexual acts more intimate than others?
I think kissing is very intimate. I think that acts that break down walls of separation or pull off masks of proper or social grace tend to be more intimate, simply because there’s less that stands in the way of an exchange. I think the nature of that act is unique to each individual. For some, anal sex is the ultimate intimacy where others it might be a kiss.
Is the act of sex an intimate act for you? Why or why not? Does it change depending on who your partners are?
Yes. Sex is always intimate for me. I am not really interested in physical only relationships. And yes. The more I love the person, the more intimate it goes for me.
How do you perceive the differing levels of intimacy when multiple partners are involved?
If there’s love amongst the partners, having more partners magnifies trust and love, makes it grow deeper and stronger.
What about sex without intimacy, like sex between strangers? Can there still be a level of intimacy that builds between two people because of the act of sex itself?
I don’t believe its possible to have intimacy free sex unless its rape and there will still be that intimacy of creating permanent memories in the body. And yes. Sex can lead to an emotional exchange. I think that’s normal.
What about intimacy in virtual relationships, like online where the sex itself may be virtual?
Any time people share their thoughts and feelings there’s an exchange going on between them. Its quite intimate to do that after all. But can such a relationship withstand the stresses of daily living or of a crisis? I tend to doubt it. Such tempering requires face to face contact. And no masturbating together is not a full experience of intimacy. Its got its limits to share sexual feelings and thoughts while self stimulating. Even adding in the visual elements or the voice connection…No. I wouldn’t say that’s a full intimacy because the physical connection hasn’t grounded the exchange. Something will be missing and left unsatisfied. It will feel hollow without any contact at all.
Please tell me a little bit about sex and intimacy in your own life.
I’m not sure what to say about sex or intimacy right now. I’ve no live in partner any more. I’ve got a lover, but at the moment, I’m not sure I’ll be able to see him for a long while. So I suppose that mostly celibate. However, I have some close emotional relationships that are romantic in nature. I have alot of intimate friendships and my lover and I are still getting to know each other. I’m enjoying a soft and very gentle intimacy with him when I do get to see him.